How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
