Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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