and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
