Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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