Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize
