I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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