No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
