These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize