Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
