Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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