I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
