I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
