Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
