I hate your face
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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