Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
soo... how was my night?
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