just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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