Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
