Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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