I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
