We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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