On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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