I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
