I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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