At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
