i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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