I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want nice things and good sex
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
