i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
