i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
