Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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