I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
