i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
