i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
