You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't deserve a penis
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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