what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
