why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
