I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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