you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
