God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
