We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
