i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
