AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
