OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
