Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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