Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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