i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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