My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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