you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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