she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Im part way to drunk.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
