rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
