I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
