I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
