This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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