Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
