I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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