there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
