"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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