i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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