I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
