your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
not ubering you a puppy
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
